The Resume

(August 4, 1560-November 20, 1612)
Born in Kelston, Somerset, England, United Kingdom
Royal courtier, poet, and translator
Translated Ariosto’s ‘Orlando Furioso’ into English (1591)
Invented the flush toilet and had one installed in his manor in Kelston
Described his invention in ‘A New Discourse Upon a Stale Subject: The Metamorphosis of Ajax’ (1596)

Why he might be annoying:

He was frequently banned from court for his ribald humor.
His toilet would be used only by a handful of rich people until cities began installing water and sewer systems two centuries later.
His invention is often wrongly credited to Thomas Crapper.
It is uncertain if his name was the inspiration for ‘john’ becoming a synonym for toilet.

Why he might not be annoying:

He was a godson of Queen Elizabeth I. (So were 101 other men, so it was not the most exclusive of honors.)
He coined the epigram, ‘Treason doth never prosper: What’s the reason?/Why, if it prosper, none dare call it treason.’
His ghost appeared in the South Park episode ‘Reverse Cowgirl’ to explain proper toilet use.

Credit: C. Fishel

Featured in the following Annoying Collections:

• Breeders [Have 5 or More Kids] (Ranked: 15)
• C. Fishel's Profiles [Series 82]
• I Attended Cambridge
• I Attended Eton
• Inventors
• Knights
• Look at Me, I'm Wearing a Ruffled Collar
• Look at Me, My Picture Is Art
• People who Have Similar Names on Am I Annoying (Ranked: 903)
• People with John or Mary in their Names
• Poets
• Profiles 51501-51750 (Ranked: 51645)
• Renaissance Men (and Women)
• Renaissance Poets
• Satirized on South Park
• Time's Top 10 Famous Toilets (Ranked: 9)

Year In Review:

In 2023, Out of 6 Votes: 33.33% Annoying
In 2022, Out of 3 Votes: 0% Annoying
In 2021, Out of 10 Votes: 40.0% Annoying